This morning I dropped off my 5 year old at pre-school and went to the market. I have a handi-capped parking permit (I call it my crip tick) but I rarely use it. As long as I park near the carriages I am OK. This morning it is raining and there was just one carriage and it was wet. I decided to be brave and take the chance of walking into the store without support. I made it in OK but when I went to reach for a dry carriage I had to step on the slick floor. I slipped but I managed not to fall. Unfortunately, anytime I come close to falling or even get nervous about it I "lock up" so to speak. It took several minutes but I finally started to relax enough to do the shopping.
At the moment I slipped the first thing that went through my mind was "I forgot my cell phone!" I don't dare leave the house without it. Not even to walk my 8 year old the 100 yards down the road to the bus stop. I had to charge it this morning and I forgot it. I am afraid to be in public without my husband to hold onto me. Or to go to a store without being able to hold the carriage to keep me from falling if I trip. Taking my kids to the park where I have to walk on grass in treacherous. The last time I fell at the bus stop my poor 8 y/o son was horrified. There wasn't anyone around to see us but he was totally embarrassed. "C'mon Mom, get up!"
As I left the market this morning I thought about how wonderful it's going to be to not have to feel that fear any longer. My attitude has changed since I got back from Chicago and was told I can have this treatment. Now, instead of being so nervous about falling all the time I think more along the lines of "it's OK, it wont last forever!"